Walk on the Third Side

(Although I am a member, I do not speak for the Church of Satan) The second satanic statement is "Satan Represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams." For members of the infernal empire, this should come as a no-brainer on rejecting the spiritual world in favor of the carnal one. We all know of the god-adorers, the holy-rollers, the sanctimonious, and the white-lighters. Satanists often scoff at such fools who waste their lives hoping for something better instead of making the best of the very one they possess, right here and now! It is a pipe dream, a Pollyanna perspective of the most bombastic kind. However, there is an equally, albeit far less discussed, force that can suck away the vital existence of any Satanist. It starts with a P, and it creeps up slowly, leeching off of one's energy and drive to make the best of life. No, it is not the nearby preacher knocking on your door at nine in the morning; It is procrastination. Procrastination is

(This was my first Satanic-themed essay. It was written years ago on the Letters to the Devil forums. I decided to share it with all of you today. As always, although I am a member I do not speak for the Church of Satan) I know that rule number one of the Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth state that a Satanist must not “give your opinions or advice unless asked.” However, since you—dear reader—are now perusing this essay, I am going to make the assumption that you have now given your consent to my opinion, so here goes. I have had to learn the hard way about the importance of the rule above. Yes, this has been one of the harder rules for me to follow. To give an idea as to how much I struggled with this while growing up I was, to paraphrase one of my middle school teachers, “ the opinionated kid with the high IQ.” I developed the custom of always speaking my mind, much to the chagrin of my mother and others around me. If I had an idea—I usually would spout it, and with little-

(Disclaimer: Although I am a member, I do not speak for the Church of Satan. All images are used are under fair use and are owned by their respective parties.) I was always fascinated by the bizarre, the strange, and even the seemingly sinister. I was a well-behaved child growing up, but even when I was approaching young adulthood, I was still very much entrenched in the realm of the outsider. The opinions and expectations of those around me never entirely rubbed off on me. Considering the kind of neighborhood I grew up in, this was nothing short of extraordinary. I grew up in a bad neighborhood, and sometimes in austere situations. Granted, the city I grew up in (a town nestled in the heart of the San Francisco Bay Area) was not a "bad city" in the traditional sense of the word. But where I grew up, in the south part of town;  let's just say that the most common audible thing was a gunshot. And good luck walking down the streets safely at night. Hell, I was mugged,